So following on from my post – https://ptsdstormsandbutterflies.blog/2019/05/24/mental-health-awareness-week-part-2/
This week I have received an update from my CPN regarding EMDR therapy. The Community Psychologist based in the Community Mental Health Team asked my CPN to contact a consultant in Medical Psychotherapy to discuss whether this was a viable option for me. The outcome ‘no’. Trying to access treatment has been soul destroying. I don’t understand why EMDR would not be beneficial for me, there is not the same level of ‘talking’ and ‘exposure’ as Trauma Focused CBT, it can also provide very quick relief for symptoms. I ended up being able to read my notes on the computer screen. Basically, what I hadn’t clearly understood (or no one had told me in the way it was written in my medical records). The Consultant in Medical Psychotherapy is saying that there should be NO further attempts to offer any Trauma related therapeutic work with me. One of the reasons being is that it is felt that it would ‘destabilise’ me too much and I would not cope with it. My mental health is already unstable! I just don’t ‘get it’.
So – what am I supposed to do? I live with all of these trauma symptoms everyday and night, yet no one is prepared to offer me treatment to potentially aid my recovery. None of it makes sense. It leaves me feeling completely distraught and hopeless. It was suggested again that I look at the options of receiving treatment ‘privately’. This angers me. In the UK we have a National Health Service which is supposed to provide access to free healthcare and treatment. I am on welfare benefits so only have a ‘low income’ making the affordability of private healthcare zero. Six years on and I am still no further forward, in fact I’m back to the beginning.
On the plus side my CPN is doing some work with me on my self-confidence and self-esteem using a book called ‘The Compassionate Mind Approach to Building Your Self Confidence using Compassion Focused Therapy” https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Building-Self-Confidence/dp/1780330324
This book is very well written and I am finding that the balance of theoretical perspectives and practical exercises are helping me to think about aspects of my life and gain a deeper understanding around how these have impacted how I feel about myself. To end on a positive there is a saying ‘with knowledge, comes power’ I can relate to this. I am constantly saying to people around me including health professionals that ‘if I knew or understood what was going on I could fix it’. I’m not necessarily saying that I can ‘fix’ myself. However, this book is providing me with the knowledge, the space to ‘think’ and strategies to reflect on certain changes I could make which may in turn help me to hold a much more balanced view of myself rather then being so self-critical all the time which I am learning is undermining my self esteem.
There are several titles in the series to cover other areas such as anxiety, managing anger, stress, post-natal depression, overeating, trauma (which I may well move on to next).
If you are interested then have a look at the website: https://compassionatemind.co.uk/resources/books